Cross-Cultural Understanding

Relationships: Friends and Acquaintances

(Cross-Cultural Communication)

There are some meanings of the term ‘Friend’, Friend can mean close childhood friend, best friend, new friend, family friend, classmate, teammate, colleague or co-worker, roommate or housemate, girlfriend or boyfriend, acquaintance. The term ‘friend’, based on the definition in the dictionary is ‘one attached to another by affection or esteem’. For Americans, however, the term ‘friend’ can be defined freely based on someone’s perceptions. A friend might be an ‘acquaintance or an intimate companion that someone has known since childhood. In American, it is difficult to define what the term ‘friend’ covers actually. Some people may say that ‘My friend and I took our kids to the park yesterday’ while other say ‘my friend listened to my problems for two hours yesterday’. In fact, people often hear the word ‘friend’ in their daily life without knowing the meaning of ‘friend’ itself.

Generally, Americans have a friendly relationship with many people, but deeper, closer friendships with only a few. The term ‘friend’ needs time and commitment, and American do not have it. American can have close friends, however, they can also have a friendships that can be characterized as ‘superficial’. Because American have a shortage time, and their focus may base on family and work, so American may have less time to pursue many close friends.

Friendliness versus Friendship

People around the world often characterize American as friendly. Americans, if we compare with other cultural groups, tend to smile and talk easily with many people even a stranger moreover in a big city, it is uncommon. For instance, when people are waiting in line (such as in the post office, in grocery store), they often try to have a conversation with people around them. Even, they may disclose personal information when encountering people whom they will never see again. It makes the foreigner in the United States a strange thing because how can people say everything about their personal information to the stranger, whereas the stranger should not be trusted.

In addition, there is a story related to what American woman learned about American man when she was standing a line behind American man in the post office. He reveal many thing which should be his secret such as, he was married and his wife was about to have a baby, he was unhappy with his job as a salesman and he was considering a “mid-life” career change (but this is uncommon in the United states), he and his wife were trying to figure out if it would be better to work harder or to talk more time off from work so that they could relax more.

All above perhaps can be an example even for many Americans of how strangers reveal aspects of their lives to each other. To many people around the world, this openness perhaps would be considered as abnormal or even suspicious. Many Americans find that his openness excessive but this type of person not a rarity.

Diversity in personal relationship

Man and woman in the United States socialize relatively freely and develop a variety of relationship. This variety to the people who come from cultures where the contact between the sexes is limited can be confusing. There, a single and a married can be a close friend that they will have a close relationship without being romantically involved. College student and others may even together with someone who is the opposite sex for a practical reason only. They could be friends without any romantic connection.

On the other hand, many men and women in American decide to live together in one house before they are married because they want to see how compatible they are to be a couple. Some of this relationship end successfully in marriage and other break up after marriage. However, even though this kind of fenomena happen there, it does not mean that you will see this non traditional relationship everywhere in the United States whenever you go there. Because in some of big cities and areas not characterized as ‘conservative’, you will see a great deal of variety in types of personal relationship.

The point of view of marriage relationship in the United States is different from any other cultures. The Americans marriage relationship differ from couple to couple but there are some generalities that can be made. Some married men and women consider themselves to be best friends as well as spouses. This concept is unusual in some cultures where marriage particulary is arranged. The foreign people may think that it is impossible for spouses to be best friend. On the other hand, some Americans hold the same belief but not for cultural reason.

The ‘single’ scene

There has been a significant rise in the number of single people in the United States, in part due to the large number of ‘baby boomers’ (where people born between 1945 and 1960). This increase may happen because many people delay their marriage until their late twenties. Beside that, many women now have a higher educational and economic status than before so that they don not think that they will need the financial security traditionally associated with marriage. Even though marriage is still an important social institution in the country, there is no pressure to marry in the young age, in some cases even, to marry at all. Because marriage, for them, is a choice not a must that the people should do.

People in America often do not care with, perhaps, other people questions such as ‘why aren’t you married?’ or ‘when are you going to get married?’. Even though these questions seem too direct, Americans, who have a value of individualism, seem that they do not have to conform to social expectations (such as getting married at a particular age).

Singles, in United States, meet each other by parties, work, religious groups, and various dating services account for many of the ways that singles meet. Social networks, including family, friends, and even acquaintances, are more likely to offer opportunities to meet new people. Within recent years, there has been an escalation in the number of dating services that assist singles in meeting new people with similar background.

Mobility and friendship

Americans are geographically ‘mobile and many learn to develop friendship easily and quickly. Approximately one out of every five families move every year. People relocate often because they change jobs, attend distant college, get married, have children, or simply want a change in their lives. So that, people sometimes form and end the friendship quickly. Relationship based on a common activity may fade or end when the activity ends, mothers may meet while dropping their children off at nursery and remain friends untill their kids go to different school.  It is the same with neighbors who are closest of friends untill one moves away. The friendships are not deep but are based upon shared daily experiences. Many Americans move so often that learning to make friends quickly becomes a necessary survival skill.

Cross-cultural friendships

Many foreigners misintrepet American friendliness as an offer of friendship. A foreigner who think that American is extending friendship would have an expectation for the friendship. So that, The foreigner may be disappointed when the American is unware of the expectation for the friendship. In reality, the Americans can actually be shy in interactions with foreigners. This is due to the Americans linguistic and geographic isolation, especially in parts of the United Sates without diverse poplulations. In general, it is advisable to approach American to initiate friendships, some American may go beyond a superficial friendship, it depends on whether they have the time to make the commitment. It is necessary for the new comers not to be passive when it comes to making friends with Americans. Begin the conversations, extend the invitations, and make the first move.

Cross-cultural expectation for friendship

The expectation for personal relationship differ greatly across cultures. The American, besides, value close friends, they also have a great value of privacy and independence. Based on the Americans perspective, giving someone privacy or having privacy is considered as a possitive thing. However, for some cultures, privacy can bring ‘negative’ meaning (such as Russian, Arabic, Japanese) because in these cultures, ‘privacy’ means aloneness or loneliness. Some Americans are isolated from others because they have taken their independence and privacy to an extreme because spending time alone seems like trying to avoid socializing to many people.

In any true friend, whatever the culture is, someone is expected to show interest and concern in a friend’s serious problems. Because there are so many varieties of Americans, it seems impossible to generalize about the American think about that, but it is possible to say that many newcomers often feel disappointed. A common occurence is when an American does not phone or visit as the foreigners expect. If someone from another culture is having a serious problem, Americans may say, ‘let me know if there is anything I can do for help’. It means that if Americans do not receive the specific request, they may think that there is nothing they can do. An American woman reported that a friend from the Middle East who was living in the United States called her everyday when she only had a cold. It makes the American are uncomfortable when people become too dependent.

It is hard to generalize that Americans will think that a friend would spend much time as possible with someone having a serious problem. Some Americans may feel that they will bother people in such a circumstance, of course, the time friends spend with each other varies depending on the nature of the problem and the type of friendship.

There are also cultural differences about the expectation of the amount of time spent together in what people believe they would do each other. For instance, an American friendship with a Russian immigrant broke up because the American was asked to do something above and beyond what the person would normally do for an American friend. The person of Russian asked the American to co-sign a loan, that signature means that the American will to pay back a loan to a bank if the Russian immigrant could not pay back the loan. The American felt that what the Russian immigrant wanted to do was excessive so, the American with his sense of financial responsibility to the family refused what the Russian immigrant wanted. Even the American would believe that the Russian would pay back the loan. Because of that, the relationship between the American and the Russian Immigrant became harm. The Russian felt that this kind of request was reasonable as they were a friend. The Russian may feel disappointed with the American so, after that the Russian never called the American. This kind of problem happened because their expectation was different. The American was expected to solve the problem day-to-day while based on the American poit the problem should have been solved by an agency or organization. According to the Russian perspective, friends, by necessity, become each other’s ‘cocial services agencies’. So that, it is important to realize that if an American behaves differently from what you expect in a personal relationship, do not assume that the friendship is over or think that the person is not a true friend.

Benefits of cross-cultural contact

            Even if a relationship is superficial or ‘does not go anywhere’, the cross-cultural contact can still be beneficial to both parties and can help break down isolation and stereotypes. The important benefit to the language learner is the opportunity for language practice. Means that, the more experience people have in initiating and responding to relationship, whether transient or permanent, superficial or deep, the more clues they will have to understanding the deep culture is which they live.

             In addition about the benefits to socializing with the people from the same culture, in other word with the same background. Culture shock can be lessened. It is important to have similarity when everything else is different. Individuals can truly relax and be themselves when they are with others who share a common culture and language. However, if people only socialize with those who come from the same culture, country, it is not desirable as having the additional cross-cultural contact. Being involved in relationships across cultures will assist in acculturatiob and utimately, integration into the new society.